Happy Birthday, Mr President Credit: Alex B. Hill
If it’s the third Monday of the eleventh from the last month of the year (which it isn’t if you look at the date I’ve posted this; we can get past that, right?), it must be Presidents’ Day. George Washington, the proximate cause of George Washington’s Birthday, leads the parade.
Donald Trump wins the Tour de Trump. Again. Barack Obama recycles compost into new executive orders using pedal power. Like rulers throughout history, if George W Bush saw something he liked, he just took it. The three ages of Bill Clinton: too poor to afford a bike; leader of the free world freewheeling wherever he pleased; a prop for Miley Cyrus. George Bush the Elder with Barbara Bush or her mother. After Nixon’s stunning rapprochement with China, the future vice and then president made himself available on the streets of Beijing for any questions, grasping a bicycle as the universal symbol for peace. Note an early attempt at CCTV in the background. Ronald Reagan was notorious for cruising the backlots of Hollywood on the hunt for budding starlets in need of directions to the casting couch. “The pipe always pulls,” he used to say. Jimmy Carter may appear humble, but when this photograph was taken he had just finished demanding that a secret service agent “kill them. Kill them all.” It is uncertain to whom he was referring. Gerald Ford shows off the bike he’s just stolen. He would grow up to pardon Nixon. “For sneezing,” he would later complain. “Everybody took it the wrong way.” Richard Nixon caressing a communist hand; thoughtfully composing his enemies list; congratulating Elvis on his heavyweight championship of the world. Lyndon Johnson was the consummate politician. Here he passes out fake IDs to allow his young supporters to vote for him. Marilyn Monroe knew the words to Happy Birthday. All the same, Jackie preferred that former president Harry Truman sing it to John next time. Dwight Eisenhower had seven heart attacks. Nixon was ready to take the helm if the worst should ( finally, for chrissake) happen. Harry Truman proudly shows of the newspaper in which he managed to finish his first crossword puzzle. He hasn’t actually noticed the headline. Students of history will recall Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s “Yes we have no bananas” speech: “We have no bananas today.” Herbert Hoover, Calvin Coolidge, and two hat warmers, shortly before the Great Crash. Nobody knew how to steer. Continues here